When in a peaceful state, it’s important to pay attention to the conditions that bring about that stability, for they are what hold it up. Often, we tend to relax when there’s stability and focus on our desires, which can undermine the privilege of stability. However, this is precisely the time to observe how that stability came to be. Peace or balance is an anomaly in a dynamic environment. In a recent conversation with Oana, we explored this thought and discovered some profound insights about the conditions of stability.
“me’s”
These preferences are “me’s” that represent my defaults. They are like core “me’s”. They have been baked in by pivotal moments in my development right from the time I started my training on how to “fit in” this realm of existence – in a “survival of the fittest” kind of way. They are the pillars of my perspective and influence most of my actions. Some of them have been shaped by my biological constraints, such as being a male human. Others have been shaped by my intellectual ability, others by what’s been taught to me by my guardians and community members, others by the environment I find myself, etc. These preferences, in some way, are my current limits. They are the boundaries I have to cross when I take risks. They are the betrayals I have to make when I give up pursuits. They are the courage that enables me to get through some complex challenges. They are my faith when I’m deeply committed to an idea. In many ways, they are my internal guiding principles. They are my compass. When I’m in a place where I feel free to embody them, I feel joy and peace within my self. I feel virtuous. I feel like I can do anything. And when I’m doing something aligned with these preferences, I feel like I can do it forever; I lose track of time, and every little thing happening is meaningful to me. The inner critical “me” is finally quiet and on board. I get into flow. It’s like my desires and my actions are in complete alignment.
In the struggle to “fit in”, I find that presenting myself in a way that is acceptable allows me to experience acceptance. Even if I am fully aware that I’m being pretentious, I’m also aware of how to not stand out in a way that will get me kicked out of the scenario. The need for the sense of connectedness that comes with being a group member makes me compromise my authenticity, and sometimes I sacrifice it to maintain my spot.