Culture and tradition have never been more crucial in this modern world that has become a global village. These traditions give us a sense of origin and ancestry, providing a skeleton for our identity in an increasingly multicultural global village. Yet, as I found in a recent enlightening conversation with David Ibanda, host of the Those Who Came Before Us podcast, these threads require continuous updating to remain relevant and robust in our dynamic world.
cultivating authenticity
In a recent Lived Quality Conversation, Dr. Faith Elizabeth Nanyonga shared an example of communication with her one-year-old daughter, who engages in meaningful interactions with her mother despite her inability to speak. This kind of communication shows the depth of language and how it extends beyond speech and text to encompass the broader context. There’s a non-verbal understanding that flows between beings, and when tapped into, the deeper intended meaning can be revealed. It’s as if through “holding a space” for her daughter, it allowed Faith to see and hear the meaning in her daughter’s communication, and that allowed her to see the wisdom of her daughter and learn the character of that person even before they had developed all the other abilities that would enable them to present themselves in a more clear way. Holding space for those we are communicating with allows us to perceive and appreciate the wisdom they convey in their unique modes of expression.
When you have identified your legacy-oriented work and have been working on it for some time, you get to a point where you start to feel saturated. This situation can quickly evolve into complacency, where you believe you have learned everything there is to learn and no more. However, there are ways to break out of this, and one of them starts with giving those gifts you have cultivated. In so doing, you test the quality of these gifts that you hold, and you will discover those that are just “empty shells”. You will also start to create room as you empty out those gifts. The Bible talks a bit bout this in Luke 6:38. It seems that before you can receive, you have to give.
When work evolves into something more than a task or a job and starts to transform one’s way of life, it becomes oriented towards building a legacy. This legacy is the trail charted out through the continuous exploration and extension of limits and strengths. It’s an effortful struggle through which we repeatedly surpass the version of the person we currently are and unlock the next version. In a recent conversation with my good friend Oana, we explored this subject and here are some key takeaways that stayed with me.
These preferences are “me’s” that represent my defaults. They are like core “me’s”. They have been baked in by pivotal moments in my development right from the time I started my training on how to “fit in” this realm of existence – in a “survival of the fittest” kind of way. They are the pillars of my perspective and influence most of my actions. Some of them have been shaped by my biological constraints, such as being a male human. Others have been shaped by my intellectual ability, others by what’s been taught to me by my guardians and community members, others by the environment I find myself, etc. These preferences, in some way, are my current limits. They are the boundaries I have to cross when I take risks. They are the betrayals I have to make when I give up pursuits. They are the courage that enables me to get through some complex challenges. They are my faith when I’m deeply committed to an idea. In many ways, they are my internal guiding principles. They are my compass. When I’m in a place where I feel free to embody them, I feel joy and peace within my self. I feel virtuous. I feel like I can do anything. And when I’m doing something aligned with these preferences, I feel like I can do it forever; I lose track of time, and every little thing happening is meaningful to me. The inner critical “me” is finally quiet and on board. I get into flow. It’s like my desires and my actions are in complete alignment.
In the struggle to “fit in”, I find that presenting myself in a way that is acceptable allows me to experience acceptance. Even if I am fully aware that I’m being pretentious, I’m also aware of how to not stand out in a way that will get me kicked out of the scenario. The need for the sense of connectedness that comes with being a group member makes me compromise my authenticity, and sometimes I sacrifice it to maintain my spot.
The “Master Me” that I’m calling “I” reads the context and chooses a “me” to wear for that context. Think of a wardrobe, and you are selecting an outfit for an occasion or an event. It’s kind of like that. I look at the car, immediately check for the car keys, decide where to put the phone and determine if I have everything I need before I begin. I do the same for other familiar tasks too. I browse the “me” collection and pick the appropriate “me” for the context. At least, this is how it happens when the context is familiar, and I know which “me” to show up as.