When in a peaceful state, it’s important to pay attention to the conditions that bring about that stability, for they are what hold it up. Often, we tend to relax when there’s stability and focus on our desires, which can undermine the privilege of stability. However, this is precisely the time to observe how that stability came to be. Peace or balance is an anomaly in a dynamic environment. In a recent conversation with Oana, we explored this thought and discovered some profound insights about the conditions of stability.
authenticity
Every now and then, we find ourselves face-to-face with versions of ourselves that we do not like. There’s some sense of inadequacy that is not clearly articulated to us when it manifests. In a conversation I had with Oana, we explored how we find ourselves in such a scenario and some of the strategies that have helped us work through them and get to a more harmonised state.
Have you ever felt trapped in your own life, unable to live on your own terms, yet having to follow guidelines prescribed to you? As we mature, we reach a place where we recognise that we have a particular nature of expression unique to ourselves. It’s like a resonance with the spirit of who we are, emerging from a sense of failure to fit anywhere. No matter what experiences we accumulate or skills we learn, we inevitably find that we have our own way of doing things—our signature style that marks everything we touch.
The journey starts with a deep dive into our interiorities, exploring how our inner selves respond to the external environment. Sometimes we get caught up in the social moral codes and norms dictated by society that we have to live by and forget to process the emotional signals from within. These signals, however, are not mere noise; they contain crucial data that, when processed, guide us towards rebalancing our lives. They offer cues that we have to process into actionable information. Processing these signals can reveal to us what to pursue and what not to pursue.
In life, we all have a taste for excellence and mastery. It’s as though the most true things are embodied through practicing excellence and mastery. However, the journey to the place where one has elegantly embodied excellence and mastery is challenging. In a recent conversation I had with Stephen Musoke Senkomago (a.k.a SMS), we explored this theme and learned a few things.
When cultivating excellence and refining our crafts, a good example always comes in in handy. It serves as an ideal we can aim for so that we can side-step mediocrity as we navigate the journey of our careers. In a recent conversation with Bashir, we explored his mentorship work and the value of setting a good example in a given domain of work.
It all starts out with an “allowance” of our selves. We have to allow our selves to be. What this means is that we have to acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses because they define the limits we have to surpass and the tools we can use to do so. In a sense, this can be our current brand, who we currently are. It’s important to know this because then the difference between who we currently are and who we intend to become starts to show. For example, currently, I’m a person who loves writing down my thoughts in blog posts, and I’m working towards becoming the person who talks through these thoughts with others in dialogue to unpack them and learn from others. There’s a clear difference between who I am and who I want to become.
Culture and tradition have never been more crucial in this modern world that has become a global village. These traditions give us a sense of origin and ancestry, providing a skeleton for our identity in an increasingly multicultural global village. Yet, as I found in a recent enlightening conversation with David Ibanda, host of the Those Who Came Before Us podcast, these threads require continuous updating to remain relevant and robust in our dynamic world.
These preferences are “me’s” that represent my defaults. They are like core “me’s”. They have been baked in by pivotal moments in my development right from the time I started my training on how to “fit in” this realm of existence – in a “survival of the fittest” kind of way. They are the pillars of my perspective and influence most of my actions. Some of them have been shaped by my biological constraints, such as being a male human. Others have been shaped by my intellectual ability, others by what’s been taught to me by my guardians and community members, others by the environment I find myself, etc. These preferences, in some way, are my current limits. They are the boundaries I have to cross when I take risks. They are the betrayals I have to make when I give up pursuits. They are the courage that enables me to get through some complex challenges. They are my faith when I’m deeply committed to an idea. In many ways, they are my internal guiding principles. They are my compass. When I’m in a place where I feel free to embody them, I feel joy and peace within my self. I feel virtuous. I feel like I can do anything. And when I’m doing something aligned with these preferences, I feel like I can do it forever; I lose track of time, and every little thing happening is meaningful to me. The inner critical “me” is finally quiet and on board. I get into flow. It’s like my desires and my actions are in complete alignment.
In the struggle to “fit in”, I find that presenting myself in a way that is acceptable allows me to experience acceptance. Even if I am fully aware that I’m being pretentious, I’m also aware of how to not stand out in a way that will get me kicked out of the scenario. The need for the sense of connectedness that comes with being a group member makes me compromise my authenticity, and sometimes I sacrifice it to maintain my spot.