Chaotic surprise. The sudden realisation that what you assumed to know is not “known” to you in the sense that you had believed. It comes with a sense of “feeling lost” coupled with the anxiety of solving for the unknown. We encounter these scenarios more often than we think in the day-to-day rigours of life. In a recent conversation with Dr Faith Liz, we explored some of the strategies that could be helpful in those situations and how one can work their way through it. We came to learn how intentionality, habit development and routinisation impact that season of turbulence.
It starts with a strong sense of fear. A pit in the stomach is sucking you into a fetal position. An emptiness. A worry about the doom that is yet to manifest. Lots of anxiety. A strong need to escape where you are now. If this persists, it leads to self-loathing, self-pity and eventually a feeling of depression. A feeling of “loser”. It’s not great! But where do you start?
If you are fortunate to get through that emotional turbulence, you then are faced with the challenge of rebuilding everything that was broken by it. The person you were before that season is no more. They are replaced with a more robust version, emboldened by that experience. As Nietzche would say; Out of life’s school of war—What does not kill me makes me stronger.
Now that we are strengthened through our survival of that season, what contingencies do we put in place to manage better in similar situations in the future? It all starts with introspection and reflective practices. These practices allow us to overcome the failed simulations from our self-deception. Self-deception plays a big part in helping us simulate the potential future scenarios we can engage in. However, not all those simulations are successful. If we develop strong imaginal practices that can help us identify the failed simulations, that can help us have better insights and manage the surprise better.
Some such imaginal practices would include cultivating intentionality. In our conversation, Dr. Faith gave many examples of how she does this by choosing a word annually through her religious practice. That, coupled with affirmations and a strong religious practice, has been quite effective for her. Similarly, Prof. John Vervaeke recommends that we cultivate an ecology of practices that can help us to cultivate wisdom. He goes on to say that “Wisdom is not optional”, by which he means that if we neglect the wisdom set we are using, it will become obsolete and we will then find ourselves not equipped to handle many of these turbulent seasons.
For an activity to develop into a practice, one needs to do it regularly and shape their life around it. This is where routine comes in. Personally, I try to “win the day”. What this means is that there is a plan for the day that can allow me to tell how well my day is going. I do try to aim for 70% success. If I’m working with a 30% inefficiency in all the activities of the day, that’s good enough to give me a “good enough” day. I have found that maintaining consistency eventually leads to big gains. As the Navy SEALS say; Slow is smooth and smooth is fast. We have to go slow so that we can go faster.
When we were younger, still in our developmental phase, we had parents to manage all these extra carricular programs for us, however, now we have to do that for ourselves. We are tasked to parent ourselves. Most parents have come to realise this and that’s when the task gets even more interesting because there’s a nested dependency built in. Depending on how well you are parenting yourself, that is going to be the level of parenting you will pass on to the others you are parenting.
As we explore these profound shifts in our lives, whether through personal transformation, motherhood, or any other challenging phase, the key lies in our capacity to continuously adapt, reflect, and grow. The unexpected moments that force us to confront our limitations are often the same ones that propel us into becoming more refined versions of ourselves. By embracing the wisdom of the experiences, nurturing a sense of intentionality, and incorporating daily routines that align with our values, we cultivate a life that not only survives the turbulence but thrives through it.
Just like a tree that deepens its roots during a storm, we too can develop resilience, wisdom, and grace when faced with life’s unpredictability. As Dr. Faith Liz exemplifies through her personal and spiritual journey, the alignment of intention with consistent action creates a powerful cycle of growth and discovery. It is in this ongoing process that we truly find ourselves, continuously transforming and becoming stronger. In the end, as we move forward, it is the habits we cultivate and the wisdom we seek that become the foundation for a life lived with purpose and authenticity.